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About this page
This booklet is for those people, their family, friends or anyone else who wants to know more.
In this booklet you will find information about how people are generally distressed after losing someone.
- Places to seek help
- Other sources of information
- How can friends and relatives help.
Mourning is a very disturbing but common experience. Sometimes, most of us have to suffer the death of a loved one. Yet we think and talk very little about death in everyday life. Because perhaps, we face it less than our elders. For them, the death of a sibling, friend or relative is a common experience of their childhood or adolescence. But for us these disconnections are often late in life. That is why we get less chance to know about bereavement and how we feel. What are the right things to do? What is normal? Or how to deal with it? Despite this, when we face the death of a loved one, we have to deal with it.
We are distressed after any loss but most after the death of a loved one. It is not just a sensation, but overall gradual sensations, which take some time to pass and cannot be hurried.
We are mostly distressed for those whom we have known for some time, yet it is clear that those people whose child died at birth or miscarried or lost their very young child are equally distressed and They require care and attention in the same manner.
A few hours or days after the death of a close relative or friend, most people usually become hawkish, as if they are unable to believe the reality of the matter. They may feel the same even if death is feared. This kind of senselessness can be helpful in all important practical arrangements such as staying in contact with relatives and arranging for cremation.
However, if this feeling of untruth goes on for a long time, it can become a problem. For some people, looking at a person’s body can be an important way to start recovering from it. Similarly for most people, the realization of truth begins on the occasion of cremation or commemoration.
Seeing the cremation of a dead person can be painful, but this is the only way to say goodbye to your loved ones. Sometimes, these things are very painful and are not done for this reason. However, in the future, a lot of regrets may be felt.
However soon this sadness disappears and the unpleasant feeling of excitement in his place, the urge to find the dead person and his extreme memory. They have a feeling of getting it either way, though it is clearly impossible. Because of this it is difficult to relax and concentrate. And it can be difficult to sleep properly. Very disturbing dreams can also come.
Some people feel that they go everywhere in the street, in the park, at home and wherever they have spent time with them, then their loved ones are visible to them. Often, people get very angry with doctors and nurses who cannot stop their deaths, friends and relatives who have not helped enough and even the person who has gone away with them.
The second common feeling is guilt. There are thoughts all the time in people’s minds that what did they want to do? And what did they do? They even think that if they had done something differently, they could have stopped the death. Of course, death is often outside one’s control and a bereaved person may need to be reminded of this. Some people may suffer from guilt if they feel relieved that their loved ones have died after a painful and painful illness. This sense of relief is also understandable and very common.
This feeling of excitement usually becomes very intense after 2 weeks of death but soon turns into a feeling of sadness, depression, solitude and peace. This sudden change of sentiments can amaze friends and relatives. But it is part of the simple process of grief. Although excitement is less, sadness begins to occur more quickly and most commonly occurs between 4-6 weeks. Objects, places and people who remind of the dead person can come at any time in acute period of grief.
Others feel difficulty or embarrassment when they are able to drown in tears without any reason for the bereaved. In this situation, the person has a desire to keep away from other people who cannot understand and share their grief. However, avoiding people can promote unhappiness in the future. And often it is best to get them back in their daily routine in two weeks.
At such a time, others feel that the bereaved person is spending most of the time sitting and doing nothing. In reality, they think twice about the person and the good or bad time they have spent with them, this is the calm and necessary sense of compromising death.
As time passes, the intense pain of the initial mourning begins to subside. Sadness is reduced and it becomes possible to think about other things and the future. The bereaved person constantly remembers their new aloneness. When they see other couples cheating pictures of happy families together and in the media. After some time it is possible to feel complete again, however, one part is gone. Although after many years you may find yourself talking to him as if he is still with you.
Different stages of weeds often cover each other to some degree and are different among different people. Most people recover from very heavy mourning in 1 or 2 years. Letting a dead person go and start life in a new way is the final stage of grief. The second is completely eliminated. Sleep becomes better, energy becomes normal. Sexual feelings that had vanished for some time come back. This is normal and not a matter of shame.
After all this, there is no “standard” of agony. We are all different people and all have their own ways of agony.
Additionally, people of different civilizations face death differently, for centuries, people from different parts of the world have created their own rites to deal with death.
Some groups view death as a phase of a continuous cycle of life and death and not as an end.
Rites and rituals of weeds can be very showy and public. In some civilizations, in a secret and peaceful way, the timing of weeds is fixed in some.
In different civilizations, the feelings of a bereaved may be the same, but the way of expressing them is very different.
Children and adolescents
Although children may not understand the meaning of death by the time they are 3-4 years old. In them too, the feeling of losing a relative can be like that of elders. It is clear that newborns and children also experience soreness and extreme grief in it.
However, there is a variation of time compared to the elders and they also cross all the stages of weeds quickly. In the early years of school, children may feel responsible for the death of a close relative, so they may need reassurance. Little people do not talk about the illusion that they do not increase the grief of the elders around them, should not ignore the grief of children and adolescents and the need for their weeds. When a person has died in the family, they should often be included in the cremation arrangements.
How can relatives and friends help? (How can friends and relatives help?)
- You can help him by spending time with the bereaved. It is necessary to know them more than words that you will be with them in this time of grief and suffering. When there are not enough words, it would be helpful to sensitively place your hand on the shoulder.
- It is important that bereaved people can cry to someone if they want, instead of asking them to help themselves and talk about their feelings of pain and suffering. Over time, they will compromise but, in the beginning, they need to talk and cry.
- It is very difficult for others to understand that a bereaved person has to do the same thing again and again but it is a part of dealing with grief and should be encouraged. If you do not know what to say or do not talk about it or do not know, be honest. This gives the bereaved a chance to tell you what they want. People often avoid taking the name of a dead person in fear that it will disturb them. However, it may seem to the bereaved that more people have forgotten their loss. This increases the isolation of grief-stricken feeling.
- Remember that festivals and anniversaries (not only of death but of birth and marriage) are especially sad times. Friends and relatives can make special efforts to stay close to them.
- Behavioral aids such as cleaning, shopping and babysitting can reduce the burden of loneliness. A bereaved spouse may need assistance for tasks (bills, cooking, household chores, car servicing, etc.) that the deceased spouse took care of.
- It is important to give adequate time to the aggrieved people. Some people soon recover from this loss, but others take longer. So don’t expect too much and too soon. A bereaved friend and relative needs time to deal with their grief properly and it will help them to avoid problems in the future.
Sad that the solution was not
(Grief that is unresolved)
Some people rarely appear distressed. They do not cry during the cremation and refrain from mentioning their loss and return to their routine very quickly. This is their normal way of dealing with loss. And the consequences are not dangerous. But others may suffer from bizarre physical symptoms or may have recurrent seizures in the coming years. Some people may not get the opportunity to deal with grief properly. Family care and occupation may mean that there is no time at all.
Sometimes the problem is that the loss is not considered appropriate Shokasantpta. This is often but not always the case with people who have an abortion or a dead child. After this, the time of depression may come.
Some people may start getting upset but then this process stops. The initial shock and feelings of mistrust go on and on as the years pass, but even then, it is very difficult for the victim to believe that their loved one has died. Other people continue to think of nothing else. Often those dead persons’ rooms form a kind of mausoleum of their memories.
Sometimes the depression that occurs after every bereavement can be so deep that even eating and drinking is avoided and thoughts of suicide come.